Why Clarity is Vital for Change

Why Clarity is Vital for Change.

I started asking people, anybody that travels around the world like I do and sits on planes and goes to banquets, the nice ones you had last night, and I say, “How do you stay so fit on the road?” I mean, I would ask everybody. Not creepy, “How do you stay fit?” But you know, so… So I said, “How do you stay fit? “How do you do this?” Everybody around the world said the same thing.

Four words. “Eat less, exercise”. MORE. That wasn’t clear enough for me. How, but how, how, how. So I asked how on people ’til I came up with about seven ideas I could apply today or tomorrow. I’m gonna give ya one idea and not because you should do it, you shouldn’t probably.

But, it shows how clear you need to be to change anything. This doctor, 80 years old, fit as could be, his wife next to him glowing and fit as could be, came up to the stage one event, and by the way I wanna learn from people look like the way I wanna look, said David, “I don’t know if you’ll do this idea, “But it’s an idea. “Most men in America, if they just wouldn’t drink their calories, they could eat exactly the same and they’d lose 30 to 50 pounds in one year”.

My jaw dropped. Well, it’s a clear enough how if a how is I’m not going to drink a calorie. I can look at it every time, that’s a final how that I can act on today or tomorrow. Now, the truth is as far as alcohol, I have no legalism about it but I just don’t… I never loved it… College, any time, I never was drawn that much to it. Now you might see me once in awhile again, but I said, “Okay, for 90 days “I’m not going to drink a calorie. Not gonna drink a drop, fine”.

You said I can never have ice cream again, that’s not gonna work. So you gotta pick a how that you will do. I started to think about juice. I said, “Doc, what about juice? Shouldn’t I drink juice to get my vitamin C and not catch a cold?” He said, “You wanna catch a cold, drink juice. It’s a big lie, it’s full of…

Sugar. Sugar. Kills your immune system. People get sick all the time because they drink juice. Stop it, drink a glass of water”. “Okay”. I haven’t had juice for seven years and I haven’t been sick, either.

“But Doc, what about soda?” Now y’all here are sophisticated, you call it soda, some of you in Atlanta you call it Coke no matter what it looks like. In Minnesota we call it pop ’cause we can spell that. So… So, pop, I said… I grew up in the poorest county in Minnesota. That’s one thing we did not get to have. Except for once every year at the county fair, we got to have one can you share with all six kids. That’s fun. And it wasn’t Coke or Pepsi like the rich kids, what was it?

Not in Minnesota, but I know where you’re talking you’re from. Shasta. Nickel a can, baby. That was so special to me, I started flying more 20 years ago, that flight attendant says I can have my very own can, I cannot say no. I go back to childhood.

I used to say Coke, then I’d say two. That’s a meal, Doc said. So I’m automatic. You sit next to me today on the plane home, I’m automatic. What’s the calorie-free on Delta? Fresca or Diet Coke or water, but who wants to do that? That’s no fun. I’m automatic, Fresca, Fresca, Fresca. One out of ten I’ll do a Diet Coke. I know someone’s gonna stand back there, “Oh David, that’s bad for you too, it’s got aspartamane, aspertane, I can’t spell it but it’s got”- Leave me alone, I had to make one change at a time!

The point is not anything except for I’ve asked how until I can act on it today or tomorrow. How? Okay, no calorie, I can drink it. Your final how must include the who, when and where if needed.

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Thinking Beyond Yourself

Here is David’s take on thinking beyond yourself and how he has made realizations of this important thing over the years.

Last weekend, our whole extended family got together for my parents’ 60th wedding anniversary. And it is just a delight to see mom and dad still healthy and loving each other. My dad turns 90 this year. Before the big celebration, all these things, I took a little gator ride through the fields. He still lives on the farm, a 1500 acre farm, maybe now it’s only 1200 acres or so, where I grew up, and was showing me the crops and showing me what he’s doing.

I went to this one area and he said, “Yeah, I planted 275 trees this year.” Every year he plants trees. On average he plants over 1000 trees a year. I can remember growing up, even planting 2500 trees, getting a tree planter and we’d plant trees all over our farm.

But I thought about this because he was showing me some of the trees he planted this year. And they’re beautiful, and they’re expensive, and it isn’t just like taking and planting 1000 Norway pine or spruce trees, it was flowering trees, and it was fruit trees.

I said, “Dad, why’d you do that? “You’re not even gonna see this tree grow up.” I might not have said it just like that, but we both knew he’s not gonna see the fruit of these trees. And his line was,

“Because I know somebody will enjoy it.”

He was thinking ahead so much about others, and when I think about, there are many secrets, I think, to their marriage and to their success in business, having a farm, and even in family, I sure benefited by his example, but especially both of their example to serve others and to think of others first. This idea that, I don’t know, but somebody is gonna enjoy this, and I’m doing it not for me, but for them.

 

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Counterforces of the Pillars of Trust

So, we have a problem.

There are counterforces to each of the pillars of trust, these forces that are working against the strengthening of each pillar in an organization. Here are a few of them just to get you thinking about possible counterforces in your team or your organization.

Counterforces of the Pillars

  1. Clarity. People trust the clear, and they mistrust or distrust the ambiguous. Ambiguity is a counterforce to trust, but so is complexity. Whenever we see an organization that overcomplexifies beyond what is needed, we know they might be losing clarity, which is losing trust.
  2. Compassion. We trust those that care beyond themselves, have intent beyond themselves. What are some of the counterforces? Well, outright cruelty is certainly a counterforce to compassion as a pillar, but the more common one in organizations that we see? Ambivalence; if we see people ambivalent to others, not really caring, that is a strong counterforce to compassion.
  3. Character. If we see dishonesty or fudging or a creep against integrity, we know we’ve found a counterforce for character.
  4. Competency. What’s a counterforce to staying fresh and relevant and capable? Well, unwillingness to learn is one, but one you might wanna look for is arrogance. When we see people that think they know it all, we see a counterforce to competence, because they’re probably not staying fresh and relevant and capable.
  5. Commitment. We trust those that stay committed in the face of adversity. A couple of counterforces to commitment are just unfaithfulness or disengagement.
  6. Connection. We know we trust those that are willing to connect and collaborate. If I look inside of a company and I see a lot of silos or a lot of selfishness, I know I’ve found counterforces to connection.
  7. Contribution. This is that pillar that speaks to results. We trust those that contribute results. What are some counterforces to results? Well, laziness is one of them, but so is just a lack of organization or a lack of focus. When people aren’t getting the most important things done, we know we’ve got a counterforce to contribution.
  8. Consistency. Some of the counterforces to consistency are carelessness. People just don’t care enough to do it right or make it the same. Another counterforce might be people being overstretched, so they just can’t keep up with the system or can’t worry enough about making it the same.

So these thoughts were just to get you started on seeing that there are counterforces to each of the great pillars of trust. Maybe you can think of some you can see in your organization or organizations where you’ve worked.

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Contextualizing the 8 Pillars

Those of you that seek to transform an audience, or an individual, or even a country with some truth know the importance of contextualization. So these eight pillars, how do we contextualize them? Well a few things to keep in mind. Even the eight pillars work around the world.

Clarity, it turns out, people around the world that are more clear are more trusted.

Consistency, for good or bad, those that are more consistent are more trusted.

As an example, the compassion pillar, it turns out around the world where people feel like you care about them, where you have intent for them, they tend to trust you more. So how do we show that compassion? Listening, so one level down, listening, turns out around the world, people that feel listened to, they tend to feel more cared about, compassion, which leads to more trust.

But two levels down we need to think about contextualization. As an example, in America the most trusted way to listen, most of the time, is by looking someone in the eye. In some parts of the world the most trusted way to listen might be not looking someone in the eye. So while listening builds compassion, which builds trust, how we listen might be different in that context.

Another part of contextualization is what we might focus on. So a leader, under the clarity pillar, we might focus on the vision, being clear about the vision, or clear about the purpose, or clear about the why. That’s critical for leaders, and it’s critical for others, but it’s especially critical for leaders.

For a salesperson, we might especially focus on being clear about the benefits, not clear how cool they are, not clear about the history of the company, but clear about the benefits of that product or service because that kind of clarity would serve them best.

As far as some other contextualization globally, we need to think about what’s most important in that part of the world. As an example, where we do a lot of work in Kenya, or in Latin America, they might have a bias for more focus on the connection pillar.

In America, we might have more of a bias toward the contribution, or results pillar, getting results. Now those in Kenya, they want to get results. Those in America, they do actually want more connection and collaboration, which leads to trust. But we might weight the pillars more or less based on our context. It’s also interesting and very important to understand the context of what’s happening.

In America we can think of police issues a certain way. When you go to Kenya, it’s different. There’s totally different issues that they’re dealing with as far as bribery, as far as why the staff and the police force are so underpaid, and where they live is totally different. And so all those things play into how we contextualize this work so that it’s applied in a way that actually benefits them and builds the most trust.

So take your time and think about contextualizing these eight pillars of trust for your situation, for your context, for your part of the world, for your audience, ’cause only then people might see how they can use it individually and in their organization.

 

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Communication is Never the Core Issue

Some of you might say, “Well, you like C’s. “Shouldn’t communication be up there? “Isn’t that the issue ever?” Communication is never the core issue. Communication’s happening all the time.

Clear communication is trusted. Unclear communication isn’t.

Compassionate communication is trusted. Uncompassionate is not.

Consistent communication is trusted. Inconsistent communication is not.

These are the issues. You wanna solve your challenges in your business or your life, it is against these eight that are the real core issues.

 

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Can I Trust You?

Fundamentally, a lack of trust is the biggest expense we have. In fact, the number one question that every employee you have is asking, that every customer that comes in the store is asking, that every community you serve is asking, that your kids are asking. The number one question they’re all asking is: Can I trust you? And that question has to be answered before anything great happens.

 

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7 Ways to Effective Training and Development

Why does so much leadership and talent development fail? Why do people spend so much on training and not get the results they’d hoped for? I think there are at least 7 steps to having an effective training or talent development project that actually gets the results you’re hoping for.

7 Steps to Effective Training and Development

  1. Aligned with your strategy. It’s gotta enhance what you actually want to accomplish.
  2. Championed by senior leaders. If the senior leaders are not behind the training, the development, the project, people can tell and it will lose steam.
  3. Reinforced consistently. I’ve said it before, atrophy is guaranteed without intentional action. If you aren’t intentionally putting the right vitamins and the right vegetables, the right proteins, into your body, we lose, we atrophy, and it’s the same with an organization. You gotta keep putting the right things in so that the language changes, so that thoughts change, so that behavior changes. You’ve got to have a plan and a process so that it doesn’t just become flavor of the month and what you said today is gone tomorrow. You’ve gotta have a way to reinforce that thinking, that behavior, consistently.
  4. Create a safe environment. If people don’t feel safe, they don’t learn. If they feel safe, they learn.
  5. Live component. You know, people are still people. This is a human business and a human world. And with all this move toward online training and online development and online education, it works best when there’s a live component. I’m on the board of a university, and we are studying this. And what we know is, if there’s no live component, it does not stick as well.
  6. Must be actionable. You can’t stay in theory forever. I love research. We put out one of the biggest studies in our domain every single year. But you’ve gotta take that research and be able to apply it to your situation. The question we wanna ask is, “What does this mean to me now, “and what does it mean to me here?” If it’s not actionable in some way today or tomorrow, people don’t tend to start using it. So you’ve gotta simplify it down. Don’t stay up in theory. Don’t overcomplexify. Whenever we overcomplexify something beyond what is needed, we lose trust and it just doesn’t take hold.
  7. Help the organization and the individual. In last year’s study, our Trust Outlook, we found people want training. They’ll trust their organization way more if they get training and development. But, they want leadership and personal development three to one over tactical development. I need to know how to do that specific job, that specific tactile project, but people really want personal and talent development. So it has to help them personally, but it also has to help the organization. At the end of each of our modules, we are always asking, “How can we use this to drive our strategic priority, “aligned with number one, the vision?” We’re also asking, “How can this help me be better personally or as a leader?” It must affect the organization and the individual.

At the end of each of our modules, we are always asking, “How can we use this to drive our strategic priority, “aligned with number one, the vision?” We’re also asking, “How can this help me be better personally or as a leader?” It must affect the organization and the individual. Consider these seven ideas if you would like to have training, education, or development that actually works.

 

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5 Ways to Build Trust with an Audience

So how do I think about building trust with the audience? If you don’t build trust with your audience, you don’t inspire them and you certainly don’t teach them.

Five Ideas to Build Trust with an Audience

  1. Be prepared. The key to lowering stress before stage and on the stage is be prepared, but it also shows you care. We often say prepare, show you care. If you don’t prepare, think of somebody, think of a speaker that gets something says, well I didn’t have much time to work on this so I’m kind of, what does that say? You didn’t care at all about the audience, you didn’t care about my time, you didn’t care about me, I am not going to listen to you. Prepare to show you care.
  2. Create a safe environment. If you don’t create a safe environment they don’t learn and they are not going to be with you. By the way your audience feels as one however you treat any one of them individually. So I’m watching this great magician and I see him pulling a volunteer up from stage and he treats that volunteer not very well. And then I watch him lose his audience because he didn’t treat that one person well. Because however you treat one is how they all feel.
  3. Make it relevant to them. They don’t care so much about you, they care about themselves. This is why the most motivating idea is not usually from some great motivational speaker that climbed Mount Everest because your audience isn’t going to do that. The most motivating idea is one that I can use to help me today or tomorrow. Make it relevant to them. Always be asking, what this means for you is, what this means for me is, what this means for us is we can do this with this or this with that, to help us change our situation for the better.
  4. Be engaging. You know we’re competing against the best speakers in the world from TED Talks to live TV to movie trailers. It’s got to be engaging today, there’s such competition for attention spans.
  5. Make it about them. You know when I started speaking more about 20 years ago, my wife would travel with me all the time, we didn’t have kids yet, and we would be backstage and I would see this big audience and I was scared to death to go out and get on that stage and I’d have butterflies and I was worried. And Lisa my wife would say almost every time, David, just love them. They can tell when you love them. Stop thinking about yourselves, stop thinking about the research, stop thinking about this, just love them. And that’s true for every speaker that is most engaging, they actually care about their audience more. I still try to go back into that framework every time I get on the platform, just love them. They can tell, even if you’re imperfect if you love them.

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4 Simple Tips for High Trust Conversation

Trust is always increasing or decreasing even in the midst of just a casual conversation. You know when you go to a group gathering and conversations are uninteresting or almost even non-existent, it’s uncomfortable and even boring. Talking about the weather or what you had to for dinner last night only goes so far in building connection.

4 Tips to Build Trust in Conversation

Number one, be aware of who you’re talking to. In a group setting, be inclusive. If someone has not had the opportunity to share in a group, invite them in but also be aware that not everyone wants to share in a group. Whether in a group or one on one, watch for signs of discomfort. If someone does not want to engage in conversation, be courteous to who they are.

Number two, ask questions. Not how are you today or what are you doing this weekend. Instead try asking what’s something that you’re looking forward to or what have you been thinking about lately. Open-ended questions give the space for authentic responses that help connection grow.

Number three, listen to the answers. You can be awesome at asking really great questions but if you don’t listen to the answers, connection will fail and trust will decrease. Seems simple I know, but listening takes intention. Focus on the person in front of you, put the phone aside and authentically engage. Ask questions that draw out even more authentic responses.

Number four, contribute. The age old phrase be quick to listen and slow to speak still holds true and yet we should be equipped to contribute to conversation. Adding value or interesting conversation builds connection. Contributing to conversation mostly comes down to input. If you don’t have good input, you won’t have much to contribute to a conversation. Listening to podcasts, reading books, watching documentaries, mentoring others or being mentored, whatever it is, if we prioritize quality input then we can help create real connection and build trust in conversation.

 

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4 Ways to Tell a Story

4 Ways to Tell a Story

Number one, be there. People often ask me, how do I tell a story with freshness, especially this closing story I often tell with daughter riding a sheep, and it commonly gets a standing ovation, but I just tell them, I just go there.

I go to what it was like in that arena in that rodeo, when my daughter was riding this sheep around the rodeo, and Grandpa and Grandma were watching and the audience stood, giving an ovation, and how she had to trust herself to hold on, and I just go back to that spot.

Don’t do a whole lot of blocking, or some of these specific speaking skills. I just try to go back to the situation, put myself there, and people feel it.

Number two, be yourself. Sometimes, we worry about doing things that people teach in storytelling, and for me, certainly, it is totally authentic to use my hands and to move around, and to raise and lower my voice, and for others, it’s different, but more than anything else, other, throw the skills out, and be yourself. Be authentic. People can tell when you’re telling the story and it’s really you.

Number three, get your story transcribed by a speaking service, and then, go cut out half the words. If you had to tell the story with half the words, how would you do it? Cut out the words that aren’t really valuable to making the point. One other idea under this point is just start the story.

So many people spend so much time setting up and people get it, just get into the story. Don’t say thank you for being here, don’t say all these, just, in 1949, when the planes were flying in, just start the story.

Finally, number four don’t be the hero of your own story. In fact, it’s best to share your own mistakes, and share others’ successes.

 

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