Ep. 73: Stacey Hanke on How To Communicate With Influence

In this episode, David sites down with Stacey Hanke, Influence Expert, Author, and Speaker, to discuss how to communicate with influence.

Buy David’s NEWEST Book “Trusted Leader”: https://amzn.to/3luyqf1

Stacey’s Bio:
Stacey is the author of “Influence Redefined…Be the Leader You Were Meant to Be, Monday to Monday®” and “Yes You Can! Everything You Need to Know From A to Z to Influence Others to Take Action.” Her books provide practical and immediate skills and techniques that have given thousands the ability to enhance their influence, Monday to Monday®.

Stacey helps individuals eliminate the static that plagues communicative delivery — to persuade, sell, influence and communicate face-to-face with a clear message. She has presented to and trained thousands to rid themselves of bad body language habits and choose words wisely. Her client list is vast from the financial industry to the healthcare industry to government and everyone in-between.

Her work ethic was forged in her childhood years growing up on a farm. She gave up the pitchfork to take her message across the country, and to help leaders see and hear what their audiences see and hear rather than what they believe to be true. She gives executives what has been described as the “greatest gift of all” – to see themselves as others see them.

Stacey’s Links:
Website: https://staceyhankeinc.com/
“Influence Redefined” by Stacey Hanke: https://amzn.to/3hKcE4D
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/staceyhanke
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/StaceyHankeInc?ref=hl
Twitter: https://twitter.com/StaceyHankeInc
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/staceyhankeinc/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/StaceyHanke

Key Quotes:
1. “Feedback first is key first to get to accountability.”
2. “What gets rewarded in public gets practiced in private.” – Michael Jordan
3. “No one is born as an influential leader.”
4. “How you create influence virtually is to give your listener the feeling as if you’re sitting in the same room with them.”
5. “We have Zoom fatigue because meetings are ineffective.”
6. “How we show up, every interaction, will either enhance or jeopardize the reputation we are trying to create.”
7. “Every interaction is an opportunity to practice what you want to improve.”
8. “Title and our feeling doesn’t guarantee the level of influence that we have.”
9. “Be conscious of how you show up.”
10. “Identify your listeners’ why.”
11. “Don’t step on your ideas. And don’t step on your listeners’ ideas.”

Links Mentioned In The Episode:
“Influence Redefined” by Stacey Hanke: https://amzn.to/3hKcE4D
“The Last Dance” docuseries: https://www.netflix.com/title/80203144
Trusted Leader Summit: http://trustedleadersummit.com/

Buy David’s NEWEST Book “Trusted Leader”: https://amzn.to/3luyqf1

David’s Links:
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Show Transcript

[david_horsager]: Welcome to the Trusted Leader Show. it’s David Horsager and I have a special

[david_horsager]: guest. Thank you so much for being with our trust. The leaders, Stacy Hanke,

[stacey_l_hanke]: Oh my gosh, thank you. You know I love doing this. This is

[david_horsager]: Well,

[stacey_l_hanke]: great things for the opportunity.

[david_horsager]: absolutely, Stacey is the c. e O and founder of Stacy Hunky Inc. Her client

[david_horsager]: list is unbelievable. Everything from Microsoft to Milwaukee to Mcdonalds.

[david_horsager]: Just put those three Ms. in there Vanguard. She’s been on Tedex Fet and an

[david_horsager]: Fedex, Get little rhyme going here, Um, Oracle and Boeing. She’s brilliant

[david_horsager]: and she’s an expert on communicating with influence. There’s a lot of very

[david_horsager]: interesting overlap in our work to building trusted leaders. But before we

[david_horsager]: get there, Stacy has. Uh, she’s author of a great book. We’re going to talk

[david_horsager]: about what influence we defined Be the leader. You were meant to be Monday

[david_horsager]: to Monday. Stacey, thanks so much for being here just for everybody. Give us

[david_horsager]: a little inside scoop on something we don’t know about Stacey,

[stacey_l_hanke]: Well, well, first, you can introduce me any day with that with that kind of

[stacey_l_hanke]: introduction and enthusiasm. I think you know, and some people know this,

[stacey_l_hanke]: and some people don’t you know this because we have a very similar

[stacey_l_hanke]: background. I

[david_horsager]: Mhm,

[stacey_l_hanke]: always share. My upbringing really determines and shows that the level of

[stacey_l_hanke]: drive I have now running a company and that is growing up on a farm like

[stacey_l_hanke]: that’s so ingrained me and it’s kind of comical Davi. because growing up the

[stacey_l_hanke]: farm, I couldn’t wait to get off because it was so much work. And then you

[stacey_l_hanke]: know you decide to be an entrepreneur as if that’s any easier. But that’s

[stacey_l_hanke]: maybe

[david_horsager]: right,

[stacey_l_hanke]: like a little nugget of just really the core of who I am and what I’ve

[stacey_l_hanke]: created over here.

[david_horsager]: the farm girl from Wisconsin, and we’ve had Y out to our farm, and now

[david_horsager]: you’ve grown, grown, an amazing business, and it’s been fun. We’re a part of

[david_horsager]: a. I guess people would say, pretty a leader, unique, uh group of

[david_horsager]: entrepreneurs, a small group that. I’m grateful. That’s where I got to know

[david_horsager]: you. so

[stacey_l_hanke]: Yeah,

[david_horsager]: let’s move into this because you, uh, work with some amazing folks and help

[david_horsager]: them in amazing ways on communicating with influence. First of all you know,

[david_horsager]: let let’s talk about. I want to get into the book for a second, because

[david_horsager]: you’ve got this this model for uh, communicating with influence, And there

[david_horsager]: are three drivers you talk about feedback, deliberate practice and

[david_horsager]: accountability. I’m going to jump to the bottom of that accountability

[david_horsager]: because what we see a whole lot is people think they know what

[david_horsager]: accountability is and they don’t. I’ll go into companies. say. Oh, we got a

[david_horsager]: valuable accountability and and then they’ll be like Uh, I’ll say Well,

[david_horsager]: Well, how do you hold people accountable here? And like, Wow, you know

[david_horsager]: accountability stuff they don’t really know. So what does this mean? give us

[david_horsager]: a little overview of the model in our short time together and then let’s

[david_horsager]: touch on a tip for accountability.

[stacey_l_hanke]: okay, So the model to just give your listeners your follower as a visual. I

[stacey_l_hanke]: want them to imagine a triangle Right. And what David just talked about

[stacey_l_hanke]: feedback. deliberate practice, accountability. They sit around that triangle

[stacey_l_hanke]: and I really believe this is like a constant. Those three have to work

[stacey_l_hanke]: together to drive influence Monday to Monday, which we, we can get in that a

[stacey_l_hanke]: little later. So to get to accountability feedback. First of all, so many of

[stacey_l_hanke]: the leaders that we mentor will say we love you and you, we hate you. And

[stacey_l_hanke]: when I ask them well, let’s go to the hate part first. and they’re like

[stacey_l_hanke]: you’re the first person that really tells us the truth, and so many times

[stacey_l_hanke]: you can get this Probably with some of your clients, David. as you climb the

[stacey_l_hanke]: ladder. If you ask, how did I do? give me some feedback. We often hear.

[david_horsager]: Hm,

[stacey_l_hanke]: nice good

[david_horsager]: Mhm,

[stacey_l_hanke]: job. And and

[david_horsager]: Mhm,

[stacey_l_hanke]: they’re not confident to tell you. Well, you take two on to get to the

[stacey_l_hanke]: point. It’s hard to follow your message, whatever it is, so feedback is key

[stacey_l_hanke]: first to get to

[stacey_l_hanke]: accountability. You’ve got to make sure that the feedback is specific, So

[david_horsager]: Mhm,

[stacey_l_hanke]: you know what is working. What’s not? What do I do to get there?

[stacey_l_hanke]: It’s

[david_horsager]: feedback is so critical and I, I just have to yesterday. I was listening to

[david_horsager]: a podcast Global Leadership summit. Greg Rochelle was on and talking about

[david_horsager]: how they built this. You know, they have massive positive influence, but the

[david_horsager]: a culture of feedback. It’s so uncommon, Especially in certain cultures they

[david_horsager]: have you’. a big non profit where sometimes people can kind of be nice, and

[david_horsager]: we know about that. Even in Minnesota, it’s great to be kind, but kindness

[david_horsager]: is also telling the truth and making this place where it’s safe to

[stacey_l_hanke]: yeah, yes.

[stacey_l_hanke]: yeah. yeah,

[david_horsager]: give feedback that helps us be better.

[david_horsager]: give feedback that helps us be better.

[stacey_l_hanke]: And and then that’s half the problem right. A lot of my clients will say

[stacey_l_hanke]: You’re the really the first that has ever given us constructive feedback.

[david_horsager]: Mhm,

[stacey_l_hanke]: Well then accountability though you first, you’ve got to have that

[stacey_l_hanke]: deliberate practice and

[david_horsager]: Mhm,

[stacey_l_hanke]: I, I’m I’m saying deliberate practice. I’m I’m here in Chicago and I always

[stacey_l_hanke]: share the story about Michael Jordan. If you haven’t seen his documentary

[stacey_l_hanke]: Last dance, it’s a good one to check out, and in the documentary he says he

[stacey_l_hanke]: did a thousand shots a day, six thousand a week. he goes on to say, What

[stacey_l_hanke]: gets rewarded in public gets practised in private.

[stacey_l_hanke]: No one is born as an influential leader. And and you, really, you have to

[stacey_l_hanke]: make the shots in anything in life if you want to change behavior. Well, if

[stacey_l_hanke]: you’ve got feedback and deliberate practice constantly driving each other,

[stacey_l_hanke]: the accountability is the big piece of it. Your’re listeners, your

[stacey_l_hanke]: followers, everyone around you can tell when you don’t hold yourself

[stacey_l_hanke]: accountable, And and David, you and I both know that what doesn’t get

[stacey_l_hanke]: measured, nothing’s going to happen. The

[david_horsager]: Mhm, Mhm,

[stacey_l_hanke]: accountability is not the work I do with individuals. I always say I can’t

[stacey_l_hanke]: make your people do it. I can give them the tools and the best way to hold

[stacey_l_hanke]: yourself accountable in the work that I do. is we talk a lot about recording

[stacey_l_hanke]: yourself, similar to what were we’re doing right here together.

[david_horsager]: Mhm, Mhm,

[stacey_l_hanke]: Record yourself and start seeing yourself through the eyes and ears of your

[stacey_l_hanke]: listeners. But you have to do that on a weekly basis, especially initially

[stacey_l_hanke]: to just understand and give yourself feedback. That’s number one tipper on

[stacey_l_hanke]: accountability The second.

[stacey_l_hanke]: If you’ve got a front who runs with you every morning, and at five a m, they

[stacey_l_hanke]: are at your doorstep. You’re going to put your feet on the floor as well.

[stacey_l_hanke]: you’re You’re not going to stand bad. But if I don’t have an accountability

[stacey_l_hanke]: partner checking in with me on how I’m developing around how I’m

[stacey_l_hanke]: communicating, I’ll never do it. So it’s finding an accountability partner.

[stacey_l_hanke]: Maybe someone near personally from your professional life, that will be

[stacey_l_hanke]: honest with you. Tell you the truth of what you want to be told, and then on

[stacey_l_hanke]: a regular basis,

[stacey_l_hanke]: and I think that’s

[david_horsager]: I want to make

[stacey_l_hanke]: the piece where people don’t th it. It’s you have to be accountable to even

[stacey_l_hanke]: do those two

[david_horsager]: Mhm,

[stacey_l_hanke]: accountability steps.

[david_horsager]: I think it’s interesting. I think I read this. This was the a big study by

[david_horsager]: the Association of talent development, and they found basically ten percent

[david_horsager]: of people that have goals accomplish them

[david_horsager]: of those that have goals with an accountability partner that they meet

[david_horsager]: without a specific time. It jumps up to ninety five percent.

[stacey_l_hanke]: Yeah, yeah,

[david_horsager]: It’s ridiculous and with yeah,

[stacey_l_hanke]: I totally believe it, and we, and we can track that you know. I, I’ve shared

[stacey_l_hanke]: with you before that we do research. We partner with the social research

[stacey_l_hanke]: lab. I know you. you’ve worked with them too before out of Northern Co.

[stacey_l_hanke]: University of Northern Colorado, and the research that we sh, showed or

[stacey_l_hanke]: proved through that was exactly the same thing. If we had the leader of the

[stacey_l_hanke]: team that we were training, go through our workshop and we would check six

[stacey_l_hanke]: months to a year after the accountability was still there. If the leader

[stacey_l_hanke]: didn’t go through the training that would strap. almost fifty percent. half

[stacey_l_hanke]: of the group was still working on what we recommend at the other half, and

[stacey_l_hanke]: when we went back to ask what they’re saying, Well, no one. really. I had no

[stacey_l_hanke]: one to report into. I had no one hold myself accountable. Now. I can push

[stacey_l_hanke]: back on that because you’re still. You’re You’re the one that can only hold

[stacey_l_hanke]: yourself accountable, But we get life gets in the way things get in the way.

[stacey_l_hanke]: and when I’m saying accountability partners the best people to tell you the

[stacey_l_hanke]: truth are people in your personal life. Hey,

[david_horsager]: Mhm,

[stacey_l_hanke]: we’ve all been spending two years with our families, Perhaps very. In close

[stacey_l_hanke]: quarters we’ve created our only our only rework sessions, right, a

[david_horsager]: Mhm,

[stacey_l_hanke]: co, co, sharing space, asking them to give you that honest feedback, but

[david_horsager]: Mhm, Mhm,

[stacey_l_hanke]: to do it in the moment though two d da, you know Th. If if you

[david_horsager]: Mhm,

[stacey_l_hanke]: and I were just on this call and I wanted you to give me feedback, you’

[stacey_l_hanke]: accountability partner, I would say to you here’. What I want to work on.

[stacey_l_hanke]: Would you jump in every time I go off track? and that

[david_horsager]: Hm,

[stacey_l_hanke]: just takes feedback to. interactive coaching is what I refer to. That takes

[stacey_l_hanke]: it to a whole new level?

[david_horsager]: here’s what I want to work on. Hey, can you help me with this? I

[stacey_l_hanke]: Yeah,

[david_horsager]: could see that working. I could see that telling my teenagers that and

[david_horsager]: saying Hey, you guys help me with this.

[stacey_l_hanke]: and they will love

[david_horsager]: They. they’re happy to help.

[stacey_l_hanke]: yet. and that’s where I love family members, friends, because they can give

[stacey_l_hanke]: you feedback in the moment. Now. If it is something

[david_horsager]: Yep,

[stacey_l_hanke]: like this call where you really cannot or I can’t interactively coach you

[stacey_l_hanke]: during this recording before we hop down, we could have said to each other

[stacey_l_hanke]: All right, Here’s what I’m working on. Would you watch and listen for that

[stacey_l_hanke]: and then after the

[david_horsager]: Hm,

[stacey_l_hanke]: recording, let’s just take two minutes. I’m not asking people to

[david_horsager]: Mhm,

[stacey_l_hanke]: carve out more time in their day. You. You’re talking all the time anyway.

[stacey_l_hanke]: Now just puts strategy put purpose around every interaction that you have.

[david_horsager]: there’s a whole lot more here. I

[stacey_l_hanke]: Yeah,

[david_horsager]: love the framework. The book is called Influence Redefined. We’re going to

[david_horsager]: put all this in the show notes. trusted leaders, Uh, trusted leader show,

[david_horsager]: Dot Com, trust leader show, almost said, Trust the leaders, Sumit dot com.

[david_horsager]: That’s coming up. Our summit is coming up quickly, and um, but trust the

[david_horsager]: leader. show Dot com. put all the show notes, and uh where they can find out

[david_horsager]: about you before we uh, move too far from this thought, though, Want to jump

[david_horsager]: over to something that people are talking a lot about today, And that is how

[david_horsager]: do I just build influence? Especially virtually. I mean we still have

[david_horsager]: people. Uh, they are going to be in virtual for a long time. How? what? Or?

[david_horsager]: or maybe I? I know you’ve written on and talked about. What are the mistakes

[david_horsager]: people are making as they try to build influence virtually or in person?

[stacey_l_hanke]: how much time do you? Yeah, how much time do you have?

[david_horsager]: Yeah, let’s go give us.

[stacey_l_hanke]: No?

[david_horsager]: Yeah.

[stacey_l_hanke]: And and it’s it’s more. we don’t realize. I think we have forgotten David

[stacey_l_hanke]: that this is still work. You’re still

[david_horsager]: yeah,

[stacey_l_hanke]: building a personal brand and you’d be shocked the amount of people that I’m

[stacey_l_hanke]: working with that will show up and I’m thinking would you ever have a

[stacey_l_hanke]: conference room in your bedroom? Come on, you’ve you’ve had two years.

[stacey_l_hanke]: You’ve got to make a change. So the first thing that my team and I did when

[stacey_l_hanke]: this all went down and we went into lock down, I said to them, We’re in a

[stacey_l_hanke]: brainstorm. What do we do in person? What is the experience our clients have

[stacey_l_hanke]: with us in person? And how can we build that experience here as well? So one

[stacey_l_hanke]: people want to just take a step back and think about how do you interact

[stacey_l_hanke]: with in person? You maybe look people dead in the eyes. Maybe you use

[stacey_l_hanke]: gestures. you don’t use gures. If you just think about how you behave in

[stacey_l_hanke]: person. The idea is how you create influence. Virtual is to give your

[stacey_l_hanke]: listener the feeling as if you’re sitting in the same room with them. So we

[stacey_l_hanke]: give you just one tip. You notice how much of me you can see today, and and

[stacey_l_hanke]: I’ll just

[david_horsager]: mhm.

[stacey_l_hanke]: mess around here a little bit. I have a stand up desk. but I always tease

[stacey_l_hanke]: individuals, David. because I’m like, Why would you put your head on A? You

[stacey_l_hanke]: would never sit this way right. So it’s it’s the. It’s the small things like

[stacey_l_hanke]: if your camera is not set upwards, I love when you just lock

[david_horsager]: Mhm,

[stacey_l_hanke]: and load with that listener. Everything else is going to go out the window

[stacey_l_hanke]: and and here’s

[david_horsager]: for those that aren’t watching you just listening, You just went. She looks

[david_horsager]: great when she’ got the camera at I level. And you’re seeing about a little

[david_horsager]: more of you. Is what your showing so that you can have arm gestures

[stacey_l_hanke]: yeah. See what I’m doing.

[david_horsager]: and your backed up just slightly, But but you’re not looking down at the

[david_horsager]: camera? you’re not looking up at it. You looking eye level perfect,

[stacey_l_hanke]: Yeah, or you’re not spending the time with your monitor. Or

[david_horsager]: Mhm,

[stacey_l_hanke]: as if people can’t tell your checking email.

[david_horsager]: Mhm,

[stacey_l_hanke]: I’ll have the. The email from their laptop will reflect off their glasses.

[stacey_l_hanke]: David. and like, come on, I see what you’re doing. So I thing. We just need

[stacey_l_hanke]: to take a step back and say every way we behave in person. it needs to be

[stacey_l_hanke]: here too, Because if you mess with this and how you connect

[david_horsager]: Mhm,

[stacey_l_hanke]: and you engage with people in your level of energy or lack of energy, and

[stacey_l_hanke]: then you’re

[david_horsager]: Mhm, Mhm,

[stacey_l_hanke]: in person and people are like Woe. you’re two different people. Now you

[stacey_l_hanke]: in person and people are like Woe. you’re two different people. Now you

[stacey_l_hanke]: start to impact the trust, So the biggest mistakes is the set up, David. the

[stacey_l_hanke]: start to impact the trust, So the biggest mistakes is the set up, David. the

[stacey_l_hanke]: lack of brevity.

[stacey_l_hanke]: lack of brevity.

[stacey_l_hanke]: I, I’d like to raise the question of do you we have? we have ▁z fatigue.

[stacey_l_hanke]: Because meetings are in’tffective and that’s what’s causing ▁zoom fatigue.

[stacey_l_hanke]: And and and don’t be the one that leads an ineffective Meeting the eyes is

[stacey_l_hanke]: the big one where we just

[david_horsager]: Mhm, Mhm, Mhm,

[stacey_l_hanke]: we. We don’t know where to look and we, we’re having

[david_horsager]: Mhm,

[stacey_l_hanke]: conversations with everyone else besides who we’re supposed to connect with,

[stacey_l_hanke]: So you miss reading your listeners.

[david_horsager]: Hm,

[stacey_l_hanke]: So it’s the. The brevity is the big one.

[david_horsager]: Mhm,

[david_horsager]: Anything else? Having engaging to engaging people online, How to to to

[david_horsager]: increase my employe You got a lot of ideas. What are some others?

[stacey_l_hanke]: Like what we’re doing,

[stacey_l_hanke]: you talk. let them talk. I am be with open ended questions, and I always

[stacey_l_hanke]: tell anyone that if people aren’t used to me and we’re we’re getting on a a

[stacey_l_hanke]: team sales pitch. for example, sales call,

[david_horsager]: Mhm,

[stacey_l_hanke]: and within the first two minutes I’m calling someone out because I want them

[stacey_l_hanke]: to feel

[david_horsager]: Hm,

[stacey_l_hanke]: like Wa. K. She’s not going to just lecture to us and give her

[david_horsager]: Mhm,

[stacey_l_hanke]: our pitch, but she is really going to make us do the majority that you’re

[stacey_l_hanke]: talking. and as the

[david_horsager]: What’s the favorite question?

[david_horsager]: Open ended,

[stacey_l_hanke]: what it, what is your biggest challenge that your’re seeing your listeners

[stacey_l_hanke]: are experiencing in this virtual space.

[stacey_l_hanke]: And then after you ask that question, David, you learn to outpause everyone

[stacey_l_hanke]: on that call because someone one will get uncomfortable and start in. And

[stacey_l_hanke]: what you’re doing. You’re creating the behavior Right how we show up. Every

[stacey_l_hanke]: interaction will either enhance or jeopardize the reputation we’re trying to

[stacey_l_hanke]: create. The good news is, every interaction is an opportunity to practe what

[stacey_l_hanke]: do you want to improve, because we’re here so often throughout the day. The

[stacey_l_hanke]: interaction though is the key is, and I’m not saying, go into your chat. I’m

[stacey_l_hanke]: saying, Talk to people. Call them out, David. What’s your thought around

[stacey_l_hanke]: this process? How should we move forward,

[stacey_l_hanke]: Because if you do it with

[david_horsager]: M.

[stacey_l_hanke]: one person,

[stacey_l_hanke]: suddenly, everyone else on the call is thinking, shiny object, I am next.

[stacey_l_hanke]: There’s a good chance I want to be called on and it’s magic how it works.

[david_horsager]: Well, you, you said something before we talk about this.

[david_horsager]: There’s I want you to get at this for our listeners. Why most people believe

[david_horsager]: they have more influence than they actually have.

[stacey_l_hanke]: Yeah, it goes back to the feedback and so many times individuals will say to

[stacey_l_hanke]: me Well, I’ve been doing this for a long time. I’ve been in this position

[stacey_l_hanke]: for a long time. I. I communicate every day when I know what to say. I. I, I

[stacey_l_hanke]: feel confident,

[stacey_l_hanke]: Title and our feeling doesn’t guarantee the level of influence that we have.

[stacey_l_hanke]: I’ve I’ve worked with C e Os, whose assistances are more influential than

[stacey_l_hanke]: they are. And keep in mind you know C e O gets that point and no one really

[stacey_l_hanke]: gives them constructive feedback any morere We go off a feeling rather than

[stacey_l_hanke]: fact, And this whole idea of you know re recording yourself in your phone.

[stacey_l_hanke]: This is fact. This is the eyes and ears of your listeners and David. I still

[stacey_l_hanke]: think this is more powerful than you and I seeing each other on screen, or

[stacey_l_hanke]: when people

[david_horsager]: Mhm.

[stacey_l_hanke]: are on ▁zoom. There, there’s still

[david_horsager]: Y.

[stacey_l_hanke]: something about seeing yourself in action. So the why we think we’re more

[stacey_l_hanke]: influential? We’re not getting the feedback we need. We. we never practice.

[stacey_l_hanke]: When was the last thing time you really thought about? Oh, wonder what my my

[stacey_l_hanke]: hands are doing. Wonder what my eyes are doing. We, most of the time we

[stacey_l_hanke]: don’t think that way. And if we’re doing ▁zoom after ▁zoom, it’s I’ve got to

[stacey_l_hanke]: get this meeting out. I’ve got to cram this information down their throat.

[stacey_l_hanke]: Good, I’m onto the next one. and the second is we. We just we’re not seeing

[stacey_l_hanke]: ourselves on through the eyes and ears of our listeners. We’re just not

[stacey_l_hanke]: doing the accountability behind judging how much Te. not judging really

[stacey_l_hanke]: measuring how much influence we really have.

[david_horsager]: So we needed accountability partner. We need to get feedback. How do we do

[david_horsager]: this? You talk a lot in other scenarios or other settings. I haveve heard

[david_horsager]: you on this Monday to Monday. It’s part of who you are and your company is

[david_horsager]: this consistencyece. Of course, the eighth cllor of trust is consistency. We

[david_horsager]: called the ▁queen and King of the Pill. talk to me about this idea of Monday

[david_horsager]: to Monday.

[stacey_l_hanke]: Yeah, Yeah, we do. you and I have so much crossover. We. we’ve talked about

[stacey_l_hanke]: this be before, an a reference to your material Often because it’s idea of

[stacey_l_hanke]: trust, so it ties also to Monday to Monday. It’s twofold

[stacey_l_hanke]: how you experience me here, David. And and you’ve been with me in person, is

[stacey_l_hanke]: pretty much how I am in person, correct, I mean, I’m not. I’m not trying to

[david_horsager]: Yesm,

[stacey_l_hanke]: be something different here than I in person. So now with all the mediums

[stacey_l_hanke]: virtual, in person, high bred. And and how I define highbred, You’re talking

[stacey_l_hanke]: to a live audience and people virtually all the same time, right, or you’re

[stacey_l_hanke]: hanging out with friends and family, versus with C workers. There’s this

[stacey_l_hanke]: level of

[stacey_l_hanke]: y. You can’t be all distracted with your family all week Andd long, and then

[stacey_l_hanke]: suddenly Monday morning you’ve got a ▁zoomon. You’re like, Oh, okay, I’m

[stacey_l_hanke]: going to be a different person. That’s what I mean. And and I’m not saying

[stacey_l_hanke]: you have to be perfect. A perfect communicator. Be conscious of how do you

[stacey_l_hanke]: show up. Is your brand consistent? Or do people have to guess who’s going to

[stacey_l_hanke]: show up? Cameron, Camera off in person, not in person. That’s one side of

[stacey_l_hanke]: it. The other side of Monday to Monday is again the behavior.

[stacey_l_hanke]: So how I behave is always consistent every day of the week.

[stacey_l_hanke]: So once you th think like, let’s go back to Michael Jordan, or you could

[stacey_l_hanke]: take a A a Gulf. For example, why do you think golf is so hard if you don’t

[stacey_l_hanke]: hold yourself accountable and practe every core element to that skill of

[stacey_l_hanke]: golf?

[stacey_l_hanke]: And however, a golfer practices Monday through Friday Is how they’re going

[stacey_l_hanke]: to perform on Saturday? I mean so relevant. Now, if any onee’s watching the

[stacey_l_hanke]: Olympics, imagine the hours these folks have put in the difference between

[stacey_l_hanke]: us and an olympian. Every day in the corporate world is game day, because

[stacey_l_hanke]: your name is on everything that you do. The good news is every time you turn

[stacey_l_hanke]: that camera on, every time you you interact with someone. you’ve got an

[stacey_l_hanke]: opportunity to practice And just think about how are you coming across until

[stacey_l_hanke]: you form the new behavior that you want to put your name on to it.

[david_horsager]: one one more tip here on influence. We’ all trying to influence. We have our

[david_horsager]: own reasons. we want to influence. Because we care about a mission. We care

[david_horsager]: about the difference we make. we care about changing the world. We care

[david_horsager]: about raising good kids. we care about. We all know why influence. You know.

[david_horsager]: we want to be influential. Hopefully for good. What’s another tip? How can

[david_horsager]: we be a little bit better at influencing in our space?

[stacey_l_hanke]: The Other one we really haven’t talked aboutcause. We talked a lot about

[stacey_l_hanke]: behavior. Let’s

[david_horsager]: Mhm,

[stacey_l_hanke]: just switch to messaging because I define influence, body language and

[stacey_l_hanke]: messaging their consistent Monday to Monday from a messaging standpoint. I

[stacey_l_hanke]: talk a lot about identifying your listeners.

[stacey_l_hanke]: Why why should they care? Why did? Why did they come on a call with you? Why

[stacey_l_hanke]: is this important to them? And how many times do we get on meetings and they

[stacey_l_hanke]: start this way. Thanks for coming on coming on the meeting. I know you guys

[stacey_l_hanke]: are all busy. What I would like to talk about to day is, I believe I think

[stacey_l_hanke]: here’s what I think we should do. So much of our conversation is us focused

[stacey_l_hanke]: versus let’s take a step back and focus on your listeners, wife. first,

[stacey_l_hanke]: how you do that throughout the conversation And this is also part of trust.

[stacey_l_hanke]: using that pause not just to communicate with brevity, but using that pause

[stacey_l_hanke]: to constantly adapt your message on the flight. I mean, and give me example.

[stacey_l_hanke]: I’m I’m working with a comedian right now, Just says as as a coach, and and

[stacey_l_hanke]: helping me right. So he’s on like the big stages we were coaching last week

[stacey_l_hanke]: And he said He, You know comedians, what they call The pause. They say, It’s

[stacey_l_hanke]: pause for the cause.

[stacey_l_hanke]: he said, When a comedian pauses, they’re doing it on purpose right because

[stacey_l_hanke]: it’s right after a punch line and that gives your audience the experience of

[stacey_l_hanke]: the laughter. That that’s why we watch comedians for the experience, he

[stacey_l_hanke]: said, If a comedian doesn’t pause after that punch line, they now are

[stacey_l_hanke]: stepping on the laughter and I

[david_horsager]: Mhm.

[stacey_l_hanke]: came back and said Tom David. I’m like, Oh, I go. that’s what I’m talking to

[stacey_l_hanke]: my clients. Don’t step on your ideas

[stacey_l_hanke]: and don’t step on your listener’s ideas. And that’s what happens if we

[stacey_l_hanke]: constantly are going and talking a Ma a minute and really honoring that

[stacey_l_hanke]: silence, so that when you’re silent you’re listening for what is really

[stacey_l_hanke]: important to these folks. What do I need to say? How can I adapt my message

[stacey_l_hanke]: on the fly to make sure that they feel like I’m communicating with empathy,

[stacey_l_hanke]: listening to what’s important to them to get them to the solution

[stacey_l_hanke]: that’s going to influence that action.

[stacey_l_hanke]: And and that’s a lot of focus, right? I mean we. we just don’t we want to do

[stacey_l_hanke]: all the talking. I always encourage you to take about twenty five percent

[stacey_l_hanke]: out of that conversation. Put it into their lap. And it’s so much easier

[stacey_l_hanke]: too, because you’re busy just absorbing everything that they’re saying to

[stacey_l_hanke]: help let your listener help you

[stacey_l_hanke]: create your conversation on the fly.

[david_horsager]: this is critical. You know, we talk about this with our, with our trustage,

[david_horsager]: facilitators or partners. Every time we’re talking about anything, whether

[david_horsager]: it’s the case for trust or the pillars or whatever at the end section’.

[david_horsager]: Thinking, what does this mean to them?

[stacey_l_hanke]: Yeah,

[david_horsager]: Because that reframes how we teach or train or equip or coach or consult on

[david_horsager]: anything. What does this mean to them?

[stacey_l_hanke]: right,

[david_horsager]: So I love this idea of getting pausing. and looking back, I love two sides

[david_horsager]: of this. of course, the pause for the cause, but this starting with what’s

[david_horsager]: the? What’s what did they want? Because we can, you know we can’t give With

[david_horsager]: they want up. We don’t even know right.

[stacey_l_hanke]: yeah, yeah.

[david_horsager]: We don’t pause and think about it instead of just giving what we want so

[david_horsager]: great ideas here, Stacey. Work can people find out more about you?

[stacey_l_hanke]: right, on our website, and there’s all of our social media handlers handles,

[stacey_l_hanke]: so that we are always com constantly pushing resources out there so you can

[stacey_l_hanke]: latch on to whatever you need, Go to our website, Stacy with an e, y, h, a

[stacey_l_hanke]: n, k, e, i, n c, dot com.

[david_horsager]: And there’s a load of complimentary content that you give away, and a load

[david_horsager]: of ways you help people that want to be more influential on the stage as

[david_horsager]: coaches as sales leaders. Final question,

[david_horsager]: it’s the Trusted leader show. So we always end with this.

[david_horsager]: Who is the leader you trust And

[david_horsager]: whym?

[stacey_l_hanke]: I know you. You might not be expecting this, my dad,

[stacey_l_hanke]: truly, my dad, and and I, I reflect back to the the little things that he

[stacey_l_hanke]: would give to my sisters and I growing up. When he said it, I thought it’s

[stacey_l_hanke]: crazy. What is this going to do my life right and a lot of it was. You would

[stacey_l_hanke]: always say, Follow through. If you follow through what you said you’re going

[stacey_l_hanke]: to do, you’ll be the top one per cent. And remember hearing that thinking

[stacey_l_hanke]: that’s not hard or he would always, and that came through with everything

[stacey_l_hanke]: right. So follow through the other thing that he always said, Just such

[stacey_l_hanke]: common sense that we all need to today, especially he always said, Be kind,

[stacey_l_hanke]: no matter who it is, and when I was in grade school, you always said Be kind

[stacey_l_hanke]: of janitor. Did you say hello to the janitor day?

[stacey_l_hanke]: And it’s it’s those. I think. It’s just the little things in life that if

[stacey_l_hanke]: these last two years have proven anything, it’s go back to your basics, but

[stacey_l_hanke]: commit to it and just be consistent by figuring out how do you want others

[stacey_l_hanke]: to perceive you, and then you’ll you’ll figure out the level of influence

[stacey_l_hanke]: you have or what you need to do to have more influence. If that’s the case,

[david_horsager]: my too. talk,

[stacey_l_hanke]: Yeah,

[david_horsager]: J. you

[david_horsager]: know just what we’re talking here. You made me think of something. my f. f.

[stacey_l_hanke]: Yeah, I shouldn’t leave my mom out right, but my mom won’t see this.

[david_horsager]: I’t Well, we both do, my mommy’s sake. go the extra mile. Other people don’t

[david_horsager]: go there. Anybody can do it halfway, Go the extra mile

[stacey_l_hanke]: Yeah,

[david_horsager]: so anyway, Well, you can see all the showoes at Trusted Leader show Dot com.

[david_horsager]: This has been a treat,

[stacey_l_hanke]: thank

[david_horsager]: Stacy to have you on and I just thank you. Thanks for be my friend. Thanks

[david_horsager]: for

[stacey_l_hanke]: you, you, too.

[david_horsager]: being such a an influential leader in this world To so many This has been

[david_horsager]: the Trusted Leader Show. Until next time, Stay trusted.

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