Leading with character comes down to a single decision.

Early in my career, I watched a leader repeatedly ignore behavior that contradicted the values they claimed to stand for. Over time, no one believed the mission statement anymore—not because it wasn’t well-written, but because it wasn’t well-lived.

What we tolerate becomes what we teach. The habits no one sees define the reputation everyone remembers.

You can be clear.

You can be consistent.

You can even be incredibly compassionate.

But if people don’t trust your character—the person you are when no one is watching—none of those things will matter.

In my years of researching and teaching trust, “character” is the pillar people often assume they have covered. But when things go sideways—or success starts to scale—character is what determines whether you stay grounded or lose the very trust you’ve worked so hard to forge.

Character Is Hard To Define—But We Know It When We See It

When I taught Ethics at a local university, I had students from all kinds of backgrounds—different belief systems, cultures, political views. And yet, when we broke down character into behaviors and values, we discovered something remarkable:

Most of us could agree on what good character looks like.

We all want honesty. Fairness. Integrity. Courage. Humility.

We all want people who take responsibility, tell the truth, and keep their word.

So why is it so hard to put character into practice in our day-to-day lives?

Because life moves fast. Decisions get complex. And companies and cultures often incentivize the wrong behaviors. As my students soon discovered in the class, living and leading with character is often the easiest—and the hardest—things you’ll ever do. (More on this below.)

As a Leader, You’re Teaching Character—Whether You Mean To or Not

If you lead a team, you’re shaping the culture every day—whether you’re aware of it or not. It always comes down to:

• What you reward

• What you tolerate

• What you laugh at, ignore, or celebrate.

All of these behaviors and decisions speak louder than any vision or mission statement on the wall. Think about your last few interactions with your team. Are you reinforcing character—or accidentally rewarding shortcuts, silence, or ego?

The Habit of Good Character

Culture and character are formed in the same way—through repeated behaviors and decisions. Those behaviors become habits. And over time, those habits shape outcomes, trust, and identity.

Your character isn’t proven in a single moment. It’s revealed through hundreds of small choices you make every day—especially when no one’s watching.

That’s why trust breaks down slowly, then suddenly.

And while clarity and compassion shape what you do and how you do it, character defines who you are while doing it.

Trust Tool #13: How to Turn Core Values Into Daily Decisions

In my book Trust Matters More Than Ever, I share 40 proven tools to create and strengthen trust. Today, I want to share one of my favorites—Decision-Making Values—because character-driven decisions aren’t just the right choices. They’re also the smartest and fastest.

When your values are clear and active, they serve as a filter for everything. Hiring, business strategy, spending, feedback, and even personal priorities are all determined by our values. They save time, reduce friction, and keep your culture strong—even in times of pressure or uncertainty.

But values only work if you know what they are—and how to use them. 

Here’s how to start:

Step 1: Choose 3–5 core values that define who you are at your best.

In this step, I want you to list the values you’d want someone to use when introducing or describing you to others. Ask yourself:

• What traits do I admire most in others and strive to model myself?
• What priorities or decisions feel non-negotiable to me?
• What behaviors make me feel confident in my relationships?
• What would I want people to say about me when I’m not in the room?

Hint: Switching these questions to the negative can also spark some clues as to what’s important to you. For example, ask yourself, “What would be the worst thing someone could say about me?”

Once you name your values, you’ll have a clearer sense of where you stand—and where you may need to grow. 

Step 2: Turn each value into a phrase you can live by.

Let’s say you chose honesty as one of your values in the above step. What does that actually look like in action? Turn that word into a phrase you can live by.

• “I tell the truth, even when it’s uncomfortable.”
• “I don’t make promises I can’t keep.”
• “I own my mistakes and learn from them.”

Here’s something incredible: If you are currently living outside your values, you can course correct at any time. 

Whether it’s who you are or who you want to be, write it down—decide now that you will use it to make better, more aligned decisions moving forward. I call this “pre-deciding”—and it’s the easiest way to address decisions and behaviors that could be mired down in complications. And it’s the best way to live a proactive, values-driven life. 

Step 3: Live and decide by your values.

When faced with a decision, ask yourself:

• Am I honoring what matters most to me?
• What example is this setting for my team, my family, or my clients?
• How will this benefit everyone involved?

I once coached a high-level executive who struggled with overcommitment. They wanted to be seen as dependable, but kept missing deadlines and burning out. After identifying “integrity” as a core value, they adopted this phrase: “I don’t make promises I can’t keep.”

It changed everything—from how they scheduled meetings to how they responded to requests. Saying “no” wasn’t failure anymore. It was a form of integrity.

Once you identify three to five phrases you can live and decide by, keep practicing them.  Soon they will stop being reminders and start becoming your reputation—and it’s one you can be proud of.

Want to Be Trusted? Start Trusting Yourself To Live with Character.

When I first started delivering keynotes, I was thrilled to share the stage with some big-name speakers. But behind the scenes, I quickly realized something disheartening—some of them were completely different people when the mic was off.

They didn’t have character. They were playing one.

That experience led my team to adopt one of our core decision-making phrases:

“Same off-stage as on-stage.”

It’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it. Because you don’t need a perfect past or flawless performance to be a person of character.

You need clarity—because it’s easy to be blind to our inconsistencies.

You need accountability—because pressure exposes gaps we can’t always see.

And you need compassion—because we all need people who love us enough to tell us the truth.

The leaders we trust most don’t just show up when it’s easy. They show up the same way when it’s hard. They make decisions that reflect their values. They model the culture they want to create. And they build character, one choice at a time.

As the leading authority on trust, David Horsager helps leaders turn values into action and outcomes. Book a keynote or custom workshop that is proven to deepen connection, drive accountability, and build cultures of character. 

Need a refresher on the other Pillars of Trust?

• Explore Consistency and the Habit Change Tool
• Strengthen Commitment through the Six-Step Accountability Framework
• Revive Compassion through the SPA Method.